i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
