Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My ATM looks so different sober.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
