Can i not drive my cunt home
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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