I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
