Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
