Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
