you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
