i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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