That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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