I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
