i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize