I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
