I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
that's an acceptable place to lick
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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