Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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