Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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