singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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