I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
