You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
