I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
