My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
