before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
