What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
