it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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