Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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