Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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