Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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