So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
