I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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