What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
