problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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