the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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