Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You need a sexual gate keeper
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
