Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Someone came in the potted fern
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
