Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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