i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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