I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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