There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
