Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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