just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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