I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
