I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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