lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
