dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
