My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
