It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just puked most of my soul out..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
