New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
