Umm I'm too high to move.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
