If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
