When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
