dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
