Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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