Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize