So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
