Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
that may or may not have been my penis.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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