Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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