I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
