yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
