I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
