I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
