Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You ate ashes out of my bong
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize