so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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