this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
