well I can't set my house on fire every night
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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