All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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