This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
