My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The power of my boobs compel you
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
