She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
