you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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