I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
