hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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