I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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