Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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