checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
