Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
