I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
