the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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