I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
