I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
