I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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