We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
