Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize