I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
