I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize