I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
