If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My vagina just recognized that song.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
