i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
This house was built for laser tag.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
