He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
we're so committed to being not committed
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
