So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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