He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
