Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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