dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
