Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
