Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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