So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize