Ambien. No doubt about it.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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