Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
