Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize