what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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