did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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