38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize