you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
