I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
