2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
