I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
