Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
