you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
