Only a mothe r could love this liver
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
