Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
