I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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