Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
