he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
