Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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