Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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