Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize