why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
