woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You're a waste of cheezeits
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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